More about coach Sara Fachetti

Writing about yourself is usually so hard and annoying, but I do think some might want a deeper look into my story and how I got here, so without further ado… more about me, Sara Fachetti!

I’m an East Coast girl through and through. I was born in Florida, with the majority of my childhood spent between small town Virginia and New York City. My relatives span from Georgia to Massachusetts, and I currently live in North Carolina (and LOVE IT). I tried the West, and it wasn’t for me!

My passion for psychology and healing come from decades of a variety of traumatic experiences, mostly social and familial, which started very early for me - at least by, if not before, my first day of kindergarten, which was in and of itself a poignantly traumatic day.

I used to talk about my trauma to anyone who would listen, all the time, because I let it define me, but it doesn’t anymore. Now, I hate to talk about it and never do, because it just feels depressing and I prefer things that are decidedly NOT (lol).

By age 10, I declared (to myself) that I wanted to “help other people like me.” I endeavored to go to college to become a therapist, but at the time, was still enduring trauma (or at least a lot of dysfunction) and was very unhealed, so listening to other people’s problems sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. I wished I’d stayed the course - I might have healed a lot sooner - and I certainly would have had a more stable career in my twenties. But alas, I am here now - currently getting my masters to practice licensed therapy.

I have been to therapists on and off over the years, but as a highly introverted and reflective person - and also a reader - self-healing came easily to me. However, that wasn’t until I truly dedicated myself to it.

At one point, I’d just had enough - enough of dysfunction, enough of repeating cycles, and enough of not getting where I wished I was in life.

So, I said no to anymore after-work activities and instead used that time for self-healing. For me, that meant asking myself and the universe all of the big questions that were stumping me, and waiting and listening for the answers (recorded in my journals - side note: don’t throw these away). It turns out when you do that, they come. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily say that all of the answers coming from someone with a dysfunctional and traumatic childhood should be considered reliable, and I do think that having been consistently in therapy would have been more helpful, but at the time, I could not afford it, so I did what I could. I credit most of the progress I made to the fact that I have a naturally sharp intellect and to answers that I believe came from God, or the universe - whatever you would like to call him/her/them (more on religion vs core needs in a future Unbreakable Beacon™ article.)

I dug deep - and the question I probably asked the most, until I reached a breakthrough was, “Why?”

It was this practice that taught me just how much some of our deepest emotional stuck-points are resolved simply through gaining a new perspective (perspective is also the key to resolving a lot of conflict - i.e., being willing to seek and listen to another’s perspective.)

Occasionally, still, I reach points at which it feels like I need more help to reach the breakthrough, and I utilize therapy.

The most recent therapist I worked with was through BetterHelp, and I wish I could remember his name, but I’ll never forget him.

He’s the one who taught me about the core emotional needs - safety, esteem, trust, autonomy (he phrased this as ‘power and control’), and intimacy. He learned this from someone who taught it to him as it had been used for military veterans with PTSD, and he was a veteran.

Even just HEARING about these changed everything for me. Esteem was a core need that was deeply wounded for me, and immediately I could see how trying to fill/heal that had driven so much in my life. Now, I’m learning just how much I’ve been wounded in the need for safety. Healing is a lifelong journey because new seasons of life reveal new truths. My course, Unbreakable Core™, goes much deeper in helping you to identify which core needs were affected or wounded for you, but even just hearing the list can be mind blowing.

The thing about core needs is that no one’s teaching it as a path to healing. And, no one agrees on one official or final version of what they are. Some people have different interpretations and add on one or two extras. Some teach about them but they don’t call them “core needs,” they call them something like “drivers” or “core questions.” But they’re still not connecting them to emotional healing and how these needs touch on literally EVERYTHING - they’re talking about how they affect things like corporate job performance - when the truth is that the potential for understanding the core emotional needs can drive much deeper change than that - change that matters more than your job performance, in my humble opinion.

Understanding the core emotional needs is a shortcut to deep emotional healing, better relationships, better decisions, and yes, sure, better job performance. But overall? A life and heart that are happier.

I want to make core emotional needs a core part of culture and education. I want help as many people experience this radical transformation as I can.

Big, lofty goals - but this is my calling.

This is my deepest passion.